Saturday, November 2, 2013

11-2-13

The More Things Change, the More They Stay the Same

In the past two years I've made lots of positive changes in my life. One of the more important changes is taking control of my relationship with food and binge eating. That's not to say I no longer have problems w ith food and binge eating, just that it's much less often. Tonight was one of those nights where there were problems.

First let me tell you about my weekend so far. I took Thursday, Friday and Monday off of work this weekend because I'm faced with the most wonderful problem of employment ever: use your leave or lose it. So use it I shall. Thursday I was at home by myself. I hadn't planned on doing anything at all except for knitting, drinking coffee and spoiling Zed, Vex and Flash and napping. I woke up around 7-ish and made myself some grits for breakfast. Then I went through some of my clothes to see if there was anything that I couldn't wear any more, knit a little, made myself a tomato sandwich for lunch, waited on a repairman to fix our sofa, napped, made supper, knit some more. Overall a great, relaxing day. Food wise I did fantastic!  I usually have a really hard time when I'm home by myself with controlling my eating.  It usually turns into an all I can eat buffet of bad choices and sneak eating.  I'm proud that Thursday didn't turn into that day. Friday Michael and I went grocery shopping with his dad, then we went to get a late lunch at Huhot where I got lots of veggies with chicken, which was awesome because lately I've had to eat way too much of my own cooking.  After lunch we went to Michael's so I could get stitch markers and point protectors for knitting needles. Then I had a brief and fruitless search for boots.  Today, we got up early to take the car to get the oil changed, I bought a turkey roaster for thanksgiving, went to Target, went to World Market came home, napped.

After my nap, Michael and I decided to go out for an early dinner. We decided to go to a local Chinese buffet.  I started out with sushi. Usually when we go to this buffet I fill up on everything else and either pass on the sushi or stuff myself and end up miserable. I had the sushi, then moved on to the rest of the tasty Chinese food. I made sure I ate slowly and if I didn't like something I didn't eat more of it. I didn't think I had eaten all that much, but by the time we were finished I was miserable.  I seriously considered making myself  throw up, but that's too much of a slippery slope. I finally feel better, but feeling so stuffed was miserable. I don't even remember the last time I felt like that. Looking back on it, I recognize that I ignored that my hunger was satisfied and instead just focused on how tasty the food was. Major mindfulness failure.

No matter how miserable I was, it was a good reminder that I do need to maintain constant vigilance (Mad-Eye Moody) so that i don't fall into old habits again.